Three Loves in Life: What They Are and How to Find Them

Love is one of the most profound and universal human experiences, yet it is also one of the most complex and mysterious. We all crave love, seek love, and give love, but what exactly is love? How do we know when we are in love, and how do we make it last?

One way to understand love is to look at the different types of love that we experience throughout our lives. According to some theories, such as the one proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher and inspired by psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are three main stages or levels of love: lust, intimacy, and commitment. These three stages correspond to three different types of love that we encounter in our lifetime, each one with its own characteristics, challenges, and benefits.

In this article, we will explore the three loves in life, what they are, how they differ, and how they can help us grow as individuals and as partners. We will also provide some tips on how to find and nurture each type of love, as well as some frequently asked questions about the topic.

First Love: Lust

The first love in life is usually the one that we experience when we are young, naive, and impressionable. It is the love that is driven by sexual attraction, hormones, and physical desire. It is the love that makes our hearts race, our palms sweat, and our minds go blank. It is the love that feels like a fairy tale, a dream come true, or a movie romance.

Lust is first of the Three Loves in Life and the initial spark that ignites a relationship. It is the biological basis of attraction and reproduction. It is what makes us want to be close to someone, to touch them, to kiss them, to make love with them. Lust is essential for creating a bond between two people, but it is not enough to sustain a long-term relationship.

The first love often ends when we realize that lust alone cannot overcome the differences, conflicts, and challenges that arise in any relationship. We may discover that we are not compatible with our partner in terms of personality, values, goals, or interests. We may grow apart as we mature and change as individuals. We may lose interest or fall out of love as the passion fades and reality sets in.

The first love can be exhilarating, intense, and unforgettable, but it can also be painful, confusing, and heartbreaking. It can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves, our needs, our desires, and our expectations. It can help us discover what we like and don’t like in a partner. It can prepare us for the next stage of love: intimacy.

Second Love: Intimacy

The second love in life is usually the one that we experience when we are older, wiser, and more experienced. It is the love that is based on emotional connection, mutual understanding, and compatibility. It is the love that makes us feel safe, comfortable, and accepted. It is the love that feels like a friendship, a partnership, or a team.

Intimacy which comes second in Three Loves in Life is the deep bond that develops between two people who share their thoughts, feelings, dreams, fears, hopes, and secrets. It is the psychological basis of trust and communication. It is what makes us want to be with someone, to listen to them, to support them, to care for them. Intimacy is essential for creating a lasting relationship that can withstand the ups and downs of life.

The second love often lasts longer than the first one because it is more stable, balanced, and mature. It is not based on superficial factors or unrealistic fantasies but on genuine compatibility and respect. It is not affected by external changes or challenges because it is rooted in internal values and goals. It is not dependent on constant excitement or novelty because it is enriched by shared experiences and memories.

The second love can be satisfying, rewarding, and fulfilling, but it can also be boring, routine, and predictable. It can teach us valuable lessons about our partner, our relationship, and our potential. It can help us discover what we want and don’t want in a future together. It can prepare us for the final stage of love: commitment.

Third Love: Commitment

The third love in life is usually the one that we experience when we are ready, willing, and able to make a lifelong decision. It is the love that is based on rational choice, mutual agreement, and shared vision. It is the love that makes us feel confident, secure, and optimistic. It is the love that feels like a family, a home, or a destiny.

Commitment is the conscious decision to stay with someone no matter what. It is the moral basis of loyalty and fidelity. It is what makes us want to be faithful to someone, to honor them, to cherish them. Commitment is essential for creating a lasting relationship that can overcome any obstacle or challenge.

The third love often lasts forever because it is the ultimate expression of love. It is not based on fleeting feelings or temporary circumstances, but on enduring values and principles. It is not influenced by external factors or temptations, but by internal convictions and beliefs. It is not contingent on constant satisfaction or happiness, but on unconditional love and acceptance.

The third love can be the happiest, most meaningful, and most successful love of all, but it can also be the hardest, most demanding, and most challenging. It can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves, our partner, and our relationship. It can help us discover what we are capable of and what we are willing to sacrifice for love. It can fulfill our deepest needs and desires for love.

How to Find and Nurture the Three Loves in Life

Finding and nurturing the three loves in life is not easy, but it is possible. Here are some tips on how to do it:

• To find and nurture lust, you need to be open, adventurous, and playful. You need to explore your sexuality, your fantasies, and your preferences. You need to communicate your needs, desires, and boundaries. You need to experiment with different ways of expressing and receiving physical affection. You need to keep the spark alive by adding variety, spontaneity, and creativity to your sex life.
• To find and nurture intimacy, you need to be honest, vulnerable, and empathetic. You need to share your inner world, your emotions, and your aspirations. You need to listen to your partner, understand their perspective, and validate their feelings. You need to support your partner, encourage their growth, and celebrate their achievements. You need to keep the bond strong by spending quality time, having meaningful conversations, and creating shared memories.
• To find and nurture commitment, you need to be loyal, faithful, and respectful. You need to make a conscious choice to stay with your partner, honor your promises, and fulfill your obligations. You need to respect your partner’s autonomy, individuality, and differences. You need to compromise, negotiate, and collaborate with your partner. You need to keep the relationship healthy by solving problems, overcoming challenges, and pursuing goals together.

Conclusion on Three Loves in Life

Love is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that can take different forms and levels throughout our lives. According to some theories, there are three main types of love that we encounter in our lifetime: lust, intimacy, and commitment. These three types of love correspond to three different stages or levels of love that have their own characteristics, challenges, and benefits.

The first love is lust, which is based on sexual attraction and physical desire. It is the initial spark that ignites a relationship, but it is not enough to sustain it. The second love is intimacy, which is based on emotional connection and mutual understanding. It is the deep bond that develops between two people who share their inner world, but it is not enough to guarantee it. The third love is commitment, which is based on rational choice and mutual agreement. It is the conscious decision to stay with someone no matter what.

Finding and nurturing the three loves in life is not easy, but it is possible. By being open, honest, loyal, adventurous, vulnerable, faithful, playful, empathetic, and respectful, we can experience the three loves in life and enjoy their benefits.

FAQs on Three Loves in Life

Is it true that you only fall in love three times in your life?

No, it is not true that you only fall in love three times in your life. The number of times you fall in love depends on many factors, such as your personality, your life circumstances, your expectations, and your definition of love. Some people may fall in love more than three times in their life, while others may fall in love less than three times or even never.

How do you know which type of love you are experiencing?

There is no definitive way to know which type of love you are experiencing because love can be subjective and ambiguous. However, some possible signs that can help you identify which type of love you are experiencing are:

• If you are experiencing lust, you may feel a strong physical attraction to your partner, a high sexual desire for them, a low interest in their personality or background, a lack of emotional intimacy or communication with them, and a tendency to idealize or fantasize about them.
• If you are experiencing intimacy, you may feel a strong emotional connection to your partner, a high level of trust and communication with them, a high interest in their personality and background, a moderate sexual desire for them, and a tendency to be realistic and accepting of them.

If you are experiencing commitment, you may feel a strong rational choice to stay with your partner, a high level of loyalty and fidelity to them, a moderate level of trust and communication with them, a moderate interest in their personality and background, a low sexual desire for them, and a tendency to be committed and responsible for them.

Can you have more than one type of love at the same time?

Yes, you can have more than one type of love at the same time. In fact, some researchers suggest that the ideal relationship is one that combines all three types of love: lust, intimacy, and commitment. This is also known as consummate love or complete love . However, achieving and maintaining this type of love is not easy, as it requires a balance between the biological, psychological, and moral aspects of love. It also requires constant effort, adaptation, and compromise from both partners.

How can you make your love last?

There is no simple or definitive answer to how to make your love last, as different relationships may require different strategies and solutions. However, some general tips that can help you make your love last are:

• Be honest and faithful to your partner. Honesty and fidelity are the foundations of trust and loyalty, which are essential for any relationship. Do not lie, cheat, or betray your partner in any way. If you have any doubts, concerns, or problems, talk to your partner openly and respectfully.
• Be supportive and caring for your partner. Support and care are the expressions of empathy and compassion, which are essential for any relationship. Do not judge, criticize, or belittle your partner in any way. If your partner is going through a hard time, be there for them and help them cope.
• Be attentive and appreciative of your partner. Attention and appreciation are the signs of interest and gratitude, which are essential for any relationship. Do not take your partner for granted or ignore their needs and desires. If your partner does something nice for you, thank them and reciprocate.
• Be adventurous and creative with your partner. Adventure and creativity are the sources of excitement and novelty, which are essential for any relationship. Do not let your relationship become boring or routine. If you feel stuck in a rut, try something new and different with your partner.
• Be respectful and tolerant of your partner. Respect and tolerance are the manifestations of acceptance and understanding, which are essential for any relationship. Do not impose your views or preferences on your partner or expect them to change for you. If you have any differences or conflicts with your partner, respect their perspective and try to find a common ground.

These are some of the tips that can help you make your love last. However, remember that every relationship is unique and dynamic, and what works for one couple may not work for another. The most important thing is to communicate with your partner regularly, listen to their feedback, and work together to find what works best for you.

I hope this article has helped you learn more about the three loves in life. Thank you for reading!